If We Cannot See
by Read Me And Weep
Summary: Can a heart that has always been empty, handle the fullness of love? Can the doubtful humming of the mind ever be quieted? Can you ever obtain that green grass on the other side? Or are you forever doomed with the lot you've been given?


A/N: Despite impending midterms, or maybe because of them, I have been inspired by song yet again. I have 2 particular songs in mind, and I plan on having 2 separate stories, or maybe they shall merge. Either way they/it will be a ONESHOT. I'm slightly confused as to why some of you keep putting some of my One Shots onto your Story Alerts…In general I am terrible about updating, but I'd guess especially so with stories that I don't ever plan on updating… Maybe wishful thinking on your part? How flattering.

Anyways, this is inspired by "If We Cannot See" by Devics. I've had this song forever but while walking today it came on my iPod and a storyline just came to me, hopefully it makes sense and you enjoy it!

The Beginning:

Can a heart that has always been empty, handle the fullness of love? Can the doubtful humming of the mind ever be quieted? Can you ever get that green grass on the other side? Are you forever doomed to be the little match boy, staring into the warm light of love from the cold darkness of the street, forever separated by frozen glass?

Draco thought that he was doomed to be that boy. How can you obtain what everyone else talks about, but something you have never known? At first, he convinced himself that he wasn't doomed. Everyone else was doomed. Love. He scoffed at it. People got married and dated out of attraction and lust, and when that wore off, what were you left with? This person you were permanently attached to? You were left with the hassle of either dealing with them and managing your pain, or going through the excruciating pain of hacking them out of your life. Or they changed their mind before you could, and you're left behind with all your insecurities.

Love? No, thank you. Draco had sex, and work. It was a miserable existence either way, and it was less miserable without worrying about someone else's feelings as well.

The Middle:

Why? Why did everyone have love? They all had joy, they all were light hearted. Draco had sex to leave him unfulfilled and work to distract and stress him. Life was miserable for everyone, wasn't it? So why was everyone else so happy? And why was this deep yearning in him? He wasn't a pansy, he was strong, he was a Malfoy. So why, oh why, was he sitting in the Astronomy Tower, nearly howling with frustration and longing? Because for one second he had allowed himself to have feelings. He had been suppressing them for so long, and out of curiosity, sheer curiosity, he wanted to know maybe who he had feelings for, maybe he could just try out the whole relationship thing, give it a go, find out if he was missing something vital in his life. He would have to marry eventually to get his inheritance, might as well practice in school, right?

So he delved within himself to find out. And what he found was that of course, his twisted inner self was obsessed with something unobtainable: the most unobtainable person in existence, probably. And Draco was dealing with his destiny. Fate was saying yes, he really was doomed to watch from behind glass as Hermione Granger, the only girl that ever challenged him or made his heart skip a beat, would go on being the Golden Girl of the Wizarding World and would continue to tolerate him as if he was Flubberworm. All of his rage and frustration and longing and heartbreak and every pain he carried with him came out and he gave himself over to, let go of all self-control to it, because, damn it, he hadn't done anything like this since he was 4. He was alone, utterly alone, the way he would be for the rest of his life.

But he wasn't alone for long. He didn't hear the door open through his quieting sobs, and he didn't heart the footsteps or the soft voice, but he did feel the warm hand on his face. That sobered him. He looked up to find her. Her pale, round face, surrounded by a halo of frizzy golden brown hair, and her deep, penetrating gaze trained on him.

"Malfoy? Malfoy! Draco? Are you alright? What's wrong?"

And he almost lost it completely again. Fate was cruel. Destiny was a torturer. Had he really needed this right now? Honestly, hadn't he taken enough?

"Oh, no, no! Don't, Draco! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. Here, I'll just…" She moved to go, and he had to bite back a howl, but he couldn't stop his hand from shooting out and grabbing hers firmly. Because the only thing worse than her staying, was her leaving.

She looked at him, confusion etched on her face.

"Alright…Alright then. I'll stay."

She slid down next to him and for the rest of the night tried to calm him and soothe him. This, for a while, only made things worse. But then finally, it began to help. He quieted. They sat in silence for a time, and then when Hermione moved to leave, he kissed her. Chastely, gently, he kissed her. And she didn't spurn him or slap him or yell or even stop the kiss, so they continued to kiss. And for the first time, Draco didn't mind the small flutter he felt within him. He accepted it.

The End:

"Hermione, what are you doing? Why are you doing this?" He fought to keep his voice from cracking; he stared intently at her, willing a different answer to come forth from those lips than the answer his brain was fiercely rejecting now.

Her dark brown orbs were glazed in tears that were fighting to trickle down her face, but she bravely batted her lashes and sniffed, trying to control herself.

"Draco, you know why. This is…it's what we've been fighting about all month! I just can't do this anymore."

Her glaze melted into gentle tears.

"Your friends are just too much to handle, then? Never pictured you as a coward, Granger."

Her gentle tears formed a harsh glare.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! One minute you're the Draco I love, and the next you close yourself off! I've dealt with it for months, I thought maybe you needed some time to open up and we could closer than the pleasantries we seem to be confined to now! But it's been months, Draco, and you don't trust me. Or you don't show it. And you've had plenty of opportunities. Plenty of time. What happened to the Draco from the Tower? I've given so much of myself, practically everything, and you're still a mystery to me. That's not what love is. Either you don't love me, or you're incapable of love. Either way, this is killing me. Loving you so obviously, making a fool of myself, and you give me nothing. Nothing!"

"That's not true, I trust you."

She laughed bitterly through her tears.

"Really? What have you trusted me with? Not your heart, certainly not your thoughts or opinions, or memories, I could barely call us friends! I know more about Lavender Brown than you! I don't even like her! I spend more time with you than with a girl I live with and I know nothing about you! And every time it comes up, every time I tell you more you never reciprocate. What am I supposed to do with that? Honestly, how can you be surprised? I've been waiting for you to do this, to break up with me, but apparently you're the coward. I want joy in my life, Draco! And I want you, but you don't want me."

His anger started to visibly build.

"This is ridiculous! Of course you know more about Brown, she never shuts up! Just because I don't like talking about my feelings, because I don't see the point in burdening you with what I deal with, because I don't cry in front of you like I did once, which was a fluke, that means I don't love you? Stop being such a little girl, Granger. Grow up. Adults don't whine and cry all the time."

"No! Adults talk to one another! Adults work things out, adults share their past and their thoughts! And if that means occasionally they cry or whine, so be it! Just because your father taught you that silence is golden and adult and keeping your mouth shut was a virtue doesn't mean it is! Do you think he never told your mother anything? I'm sure he talked to her, just because you never saw it or he never told y—"

He grabbed her shoulders tightly and glared at her.

"That's enough. You don't know anything about my father or my family. So, that. Is. _Enough_."

"You're right!" she screamed at him, eyes blazing and tears streaming down her face, her hair wild. "I don't know anything because you won't let me know! Let me in, Draco! I've let you in, and I don't do that so often. But when you love someone you let them in!"

He let go of her roughly and turned away slightly.

This time his voice did crack.

"What if…what if I don't know how?" he turned to look at her and the storm in his grey eyes was gently spilling down his face.

She put her hand on his cheek.

"That's what I'm here for. But you just have to promise me you'll try. It's ok if it's not perfect, but please, please just try. Because my heart can't handle it if you don't try."

He grabbed the hand on his face and squeezed it to against his cheek, trying to keep her warmth on him.

"I'll try. I promise I'll try."

A mangled smile appeared through her tears.

"Well, let's start now. Tell me…tell me about your childhood."

He looked at her, with fear in his eyes.

She smiled at him this time, a true smile.

"Remember, you're with me. You're safe, and you're trying, and you're here with me."

* * *

A/N: Originally, I was going to have it end with them breaking up. But it seemed to fit better this way, and I know you babies don't like all the angst sometimes :p


End file.
